Close to tears, yet not crying...

Well, my mom got a call earlier tonight from the police; my dad's in the hospital...


He had an aneurysm, (something like a stroke) and the doctors are going to perform brain surgery tonight. . .
My mom's with him, so yeah. I dont know what to do or say right now...

It's odd; like son like father: I go to O'Connor hospital and am later transferred to Stanford; now my dad's the same way...

. . .I wish I had someone to talk to. . . My life's a mess, and sue and blasphemize me for calling me a hypocrite too. Yeah, when someone dies, the world goes on. Life goes on. But not that little world which they were a part of . Not that part of their loved ones, when they, suffer. Not all is unchanged. That little piece of the world that someone belongs to, when they die, that world becomes that more unbearable...


I feel like crying, yet not a drop is coming out. Maybe its because I cried when I first got leukemia, or when my dog died later. I'm drained of sorrow now; grampa died when I was 5, cancer at 12, and now dad might be going where my grandpa is, all this by age 14.

Forgive my gloom; I shouldn't really be saying this aloud, don't want to burden anyone. Shoulder this on my own, become stronger by it. And when it's all done, then I can shed a tear. Then I can look back at this and laugh. Or drown in my misery.. .. .. Augh I'm just blabbering, just so confused and wondering: What did I do to deserve any of this...?

Yeah, ok.


I'm crying now...