Monday, September 3, 2012
Tuesday, July 10, 2012
Egad.
Coach Taylor (from the absolutely amazing TV series Friday Night Lights) said there's respect in setting a goal and getting out to achieve that goal. There's no disrespect in it, unless you start doubting yourself and not finishing what you started.
Too bad that's me a thousand times over.
Too bad that's me a thousand times over.
Friday, July 6, 2012
Back from hiatus, screamed the lonely dust speck
Wow I used to... BLOG?! WHAT IS THIS.
Reading back, I was a lot... peppier and energetic about things. Such as getting riled up over Sarah Palin or Tim Geithner. And people in general. And things such as the economy, or how teenagers can't get over themselves.
I think I've mellowed out a lot, and I'm a lot less judgmental on things and a lot more ~live and let be. Simultaneously, I don't think I have the conviction to stand for anything. A lot of things have changed; for the better, I would hope.
For most of the people around me, aka friends, things are falling into place. Everything is going where they want it to. Getting a job, getting that internship, getting places, getting the girl, and going off to college. A satisfying conclusion to the high school saga.
I would like to think I did good in high school, and in turn, high school did me some good. I mean, I missed a significant chunk of my four years (not to mention middle school) out sick, and I still got into UCSD! Woo. I honestly don't know whether it's a blessing or a curse. Do I celebrate because I got in despite everything that's happened, or do I grumble because I could have pushed myself to do so much more?
I'm still surprised how many peoplelike don't hate me. It's a nice feeling. I have wonderful friends that I feel I am taking for granted.
As I continue perusing my previous blog entries, I realize I used to emphasize my getting sick a lot, like it defined me, and now I rarely talk about it at all. It's not as if I find it awkward, I just feel like I'm making my listener feel awkward/ unneeded sympathy towards something that happened ... 4 years ago? Wow that's a long time. Don't get me wrong, it's a big, big deal, and it changes your life. But I don't like the idea of a singular event defining who you are. It's the collective, the sum of every experience and person you come in contact with. It's like the hand you never wash that touches every surface, every thing, every other hand. The cumulative filth that is life.
I remember being told that due to my experiences, regular things that might shock a person, don't phaze me, and I find that ever more true, and at the same time, false. Everyone has to deal with some sort of problem or issue or traged(y/ies) in their lives, and they each tackle it accordingly. Everyone's bothered by something. The degree of the problem, however, can differ tremendously.
Girls, however, are a universal problem.
I think I've been getting asked quite a few times now what my 'type' is. There are TYPES? Like flava-flavs you can order with rush delivery within 3-5 business days. I thought they all came jumbled up together, and you had to make sense of them all by your lonesome. They are terribly confusing, and almost never worth taking up.
Ugh. This talk about that perplexing gender has upset my delicate stomach, and I would rather not eat at 2:30 AM. So please, excuse this long ramble of words!
PS At any time, I hope I do not appear obnoxious, snooty, or pompous. I'm just, talking to myself. In my head. Through this. If that makes sense.
I think I've mellowed out a lot, and I'm a lot less judgmental on things and a lot more ~live and let be. Simultaneously, I don't think I have the conviction to stand for anything. A lot of things have changed; for the better, I would hope.
For most of the people around me, aka friends, things are falling into place. Everything is going where they want it to. Getting a job, getting that internship, getting places, getting the girl, and going off to college. A satisfying conclusion to the high school saga.
I would like to think I did good in high school, and in turn, high school did me some good. I mean, I missed a significant chunk of my four years (not to mention middle school) out sick, and I still got into UCSD! Woo. I honestly don't know whether it's a blessing or a curse. Do I celebrate because I got in despite everything that's happened, or do I grumble because I could have pushed myself to do so much more?
I'm still surprised how many people
As I continue perusing my previous blog entries, I realize I used to emphasize my getting sick a lot, like it defined me, and now I rarely talk about it at all. It's not as if I find it awkward, I just feel like I'm making my listener feel awkward/ unneeded sympathy towards something that happened ... 4 years ago? Wow that's a long time. Don't get me wrong, it's a big, big deal, and it changes your life. But I don't like the idea of a singular event defining who you are. It's the collective, the sum of every experience and person you come in contact with. It's like the hand you never wash that touches every surface, every thing, every other hand. The cumulative filth that is life.
I remember being told that due to my experiences, regular things that might shock a person, don't phaze me, and I find that ever more true, and at the same time, false. Everyone has to deal with some sort of problem or issue or traged(y/ies) in their lives, and they each tackle it accordingly. Everyone's bothered by something. The degree of the problem, however, can differ tremendously.
Girls, however, are a universal problem.
I think I've been getting asked quite a few times now what my 'type' is. There are TYPES? Like flava-flavs you can order with rush delivery within 3-5 business days. I thought they all came jumbled up together, and you had to make sense of them all by your lonesome. They are terribly confusing, and almost never worth taking up.
Ugh. This talk about that perplexing gender has upset my delicate stomach, and I would rather not eat at 2:30 AM. So please, excuse this long ramble of words!
PS At any time, I hope I do not appear obnoxious, snooty, or pompous. I'm just, talking to myself. In my head. Through this. If that makes sense.
Tuesday, May 10, 2011
Wednesday, December 22, 2010
Weeee.
Winter Break is incredibly boring and uneventful; and I mean that in the best way possible :D
Tuesday, October 5, 2010
I MISS YOU GUYS
I miss my friends...
On a side note, I think Debate Club went rather well!
On another side note, I'm terribly disorganized, in all aspects of my life.
On this last note, I miss you guys.
On a side note, I think Debate Club went rather well!
On another side note, I'm terribly disorganized, in all aspects of my life.
On this last note, I miss you guys.
Sunday, September 19, 2010
Tuesday, September 14, 2010
It's so punny!
Knock-Knock
Who's there?
Atch.
Atch who?
Bless you.
Why don't anteaters ever get sick?
Because they have lots of ANTibodies.
What is a room that you can never enter?
A mushroom!
What is the smallest classroom in the world?
The eye because it has one pupil!
I love how these jokes are so lame, yet we all laugh so hard at them nowadays.
Who's there?
Atch.
Atch who?
Bless you.
Why don't anteaters ever get sick?
Because they have lots of ANTibodies.
What is a room that you can never enter?
A mushroom!
What is the smallest classroom in the world?
The eye because it has one pupil!
I love how these jokes are so lame, yet we all laugh so hard at them nowadays.
Saturday, September 11, 2010
Never Enough Time
"There's never enough time to do all the nothing you want..."
-Calvin (and Hobbes)
When I saw that strip, I choked up.
Childhood's short, yet amazing. It is the sweetest most idyllic time of my life, and probably ever will be. Bittersweet, cos its over. We can't ever go back in time, to relive it. It's just, done. But hey we've got friends, we'll cop a beer and keep rolling, rolling on a river... as time goes by...
And then we drop dead. Cheery thought ain't it?
-Calvin (and Hobbes)
When I saw that strip, I choked up.
Childhood's short, yet amazing. It is the sweetest most idyllic time of my life, and probably ever will be. Bittersweet, cos its over. We can't ever go back in time, to relive it. It's just, done. But hey we've got friends, we'll cop a beer and keep rolling, rolling on a river... as time goes by...
And then we drop dead. Cheery thought ain't it?
Monday, September 6, 2010
Men, Women, Relationships. Yes there should be a requirement.
You know what I find irritating? When people announce to the world that they are boyfriend and girlfriend. When the two haven't even gone out yet.
Isn't it s'posed to go:
For guys:
You meet a girl. You think shes attractive or you've been eyeing her for a while in your classes or whatnot. You ask her out. If the date bombs, end of that, or you try again later. If the date's successful, you go out with her on several more, while at the same time one is allowed to date with her people to see who his.. mate is. After numerous dates you finally find the one girl that makes you tick. You ask her to be your girlfriend, entering an exclusive relationship. After several months of bliss, you either break up or propose. If successful, you later marry and have children, If not, you either try again later, or have it fall into disrepair.
For girls, pretty much the same thing. Dating does not equal exclusivity NOR does it imply that the two are girlfriend/boyfriend. But yes, to BECOME the former or latter, one must first DATE in order to ENTER that relationship.
Yeah, its a lot of commitment. That's why one takes relationships SERIOUSLY. And thats why dating is just that, just dating. Just getting to know a person, with no strings attached.
Of course chivalry applies: the man pays, holds the door, and plans all the events. But we're in the 21st century, where women may do the same too. Egalitarianism, anyone?
According to Connie, guys and gals claim boyfriend/girlfriend status simply for 'dibs.' To show everyone (s)he's not open for business. How rude. And entirely counterproductive: if you want him/her to be exclusive to you, make him/her NEED you. Make that person breathe your oxygen, walk your soil, and live for solely you. In otherwords, just try and make him/her WANT to like you, but not in a way that it sacrifices your principles.(Castration's also an option.)
As for who is sposed to shut up and make the sandwich, I'd say the sandwich maker has it pretty good, regardless of gender. I mean, c'mon! You get to play with the dog, have quality time with your children and force the family to eat your (horrendous) cooking. Of course, thats in a stereotypical American family, where they have two cars in every garage and live in a gated community.
Anywho that's my tongue-in-cheek rant for the day.
Isn't it s'posed to go:
For guys:
You meet a girl. You think shes attractive or you've been eyeing her for a while in your classes or whatnot. You ask her out. If the date bombs, end of that, or you try again later. If the date's successful, you go out with her on several more, while at the same time one is allowed to date with her people to see who his.. mate is. After numerous dates you finally find the one girl that makes you tick. You ask her to be your girlfriend, entering an exclusive relationship. After several months of bliss, you either break up or propose. If successful, you later marry and have children, If not, you either try again later, or have it fall into disrepair.
For girls, pretty much the same thing. Dating does not equal exclusivity NOR does it imply that the two are girlfriend/boyfriend. But yes, to BECOME the former or latter, one must first DATE in order to ENTER that relationship.
Yeah, its a lot of commitment. That's why one takes relationships SERIOUSLY. And thats why dating is just that, just dating. Just getting to know a person, with no strings attached.
Of course chivalry applies: the man pays, holds the door, and plans all the events. But we're in the 21st century, where women may do the same too. Egalitarianism, anyone?
According to Connie, guys and gals claim boyfriend/girlfriend status simply for 'dibs.' To show everyone (s)he's not open for business. How rude. And entirely counterproductive: if you want him/her to be exclusive to you, make him/her NEED you. Make that person breathe your oxygen, walk your soil, and live for solely you. In otherwords, just try and make him/her WANT to like you, but not in a way that it sacrifices your principles.(Castration's also an option.)
As for who is sposed to shut up and make the sandwich, I'd say the sandwich maker has it pretty good, regardless of gender. I mean, c'mon! You get to play with the dog, have quality time with your children and force the family to eat your (horrendous) cooking. Of course, thats in a stereotypical American family, where they have two cars in every garage and live in a gated community.
Anywho that's my tongue-in-cheek rant for the day.
Thursday, October 15, 2009
Wrongs, (W)Rights, and Weirds of Western Society
Isn't the title cool? :D (The W is there because there are so many other 'W's)
And here are my excuses for not posting: 1 I am lazy. 2 Other stuff going on 3 I doubt anyone cares anyway. \_(o_o)_/ says: holy jehosephat, its been 3 mnths since i posted :O
Lets get rid of the wrongs first shall we?
Sexism is so prevalent in society- WHERE TO STARTT~
Why is it that when people are in relationship they refer to their companion/mate/'friend' that that person *belongs* to them? Case in point: "She's mine" "He's my boyfriend" Popular media may have to do with this too tho'... ("MY Girl" ring a bell, anyone..?)
Another thing, disparities in income, unequal job opportunities, and sexual harassment at the workplace are all too common. (I dont think anyone reading cares tho so I'll move along)
And another thing, why is it in date stuff and so-and-so, the *guy* is s'posed to ask teh girl out?
Why is it that the guy pays for stuff? And why is it ok for guys to be man-whores yet when girls do it they are called 'sluts'? Why can't men wear dresses? Or shave their legs? Why MUST women shave their legs?
See what I mean...? All these double-standards for men and women alike, 'tho b/c women are always below men, its obvious to see who comes out on top: the testosterone, hairy pot-bellied man who enjoys watching people beat the &$%# out of each other (Hockey, wrestling, football, etc) I guess Hillary Clinton had it right when se said we need a woman in charge? :O
Oh and this isnt directly related to sexism, just... pervertedness. In high school. Someone shoot me... PENIS. Why do so many people laugh at that word..? Why do people make so many sex jokes...? I mea. ok theyre funny. laugh. GET OVER IT. Apparently if you dont like this sort of thing and are not obsessive over the opposite sex WOW look at that rack) you're considered homesexual. Which is not a bad thing, but COME ON!! *sigh*
Teenagers are immature... esp. teenage boys..
There are some nice things about society though; specialization of labor from a surplus of food due to the advent of agriculture enabled us to achieve great innovations. (wow WHAP is really getting to me...) Humans get emotions and and a higher intelligence ( is that good or bad..?)
Oh and tonight was a cool autumn night... (im going to blather on about my own life, srry about that) ducks in the pool, various peoples jogging, the beautiful sun setting, firemen BBQ'ing, the gentle gurgle of the creek. Makes you appreciate life... =]
Righto cheerio, the weirds: why is plural of louse lice, mouse mice but not house hice? and why then is not the singular form of rice 'rouse'? English is a weird language... Oh and WTHHH OBAMA GOT A NOBEL PEACE PRIZE???! yeappp...
PS my life stuff goes here cuz its not as important as my thoughts, in my opinion :D
auggh been sick, falling behind in hw, still cant apologize to YSI people, cant see Nancy (ALL THESE RETAKES ARE CONSUMING MY TIMEE)(andd honestly what are my chances anyway D: at the same time im thinking, man im lucky to have met her), hurted body (tailbone and knee still hurt from skating and lava mosnter =( but awesome friends, somewhat making more...? (not really) drifint apart from challenger friends, and chemo ends on DEC FIFTHHH
YAYYYYYYYY
ok thats it.. i think.. (>^_^)> on til next time, whenever that may be :D
if you still check this occasionally, i thank thee for caring :P
Wednesday, June 10, 2009
Meh
"Meh" as in I feel melancholy, excited, and happy (sorta)
Excited and happy that SCHOOLS OVER! And summer plans! Hoorah!
Melancholy that, we only have three more years of high school. Just three more years of fun =/
In my freshman year, stuff has happened. I've got shot down (not literally of course), friends have done stuff,( and whether I approve or disapprove of it, they ARE my friends and I feel obligated to support them in their time of need), dad's gotten an aneurysm, grades have dropped, the usual high school drama...
Other friends seem more distant, I rarely talk to some of 'em now =/ I'm moving to my grandma's house, and maybe to a new high school.
Man, I am seriously peeved by that ^ Ive been in 5 different schools the past 5 yrs: Meridian, Shawnee, Home schooled, Berryessa, Piedmont, and now maybe Independence. Besides the first 2 years, I havent had the time to strengthen the bonds of friendship =x
Which reminds me: Why are people so dang nice to me? It makes me feel bad whenever I get sick, and the fact that I didn't do anythign to deserve any of it.
I've also noticed a couple things: teenagers seem depressed. I don't know why! =o I think either Raymond or Jeffrey said it to me: I don't think what people go through is a big deal, because Im kinda used it. And I think I DO think that way, for better or worse. (I consider myself an optimistic cynist =p)
Ahh, chemo done in 6 mnths, finals coming to a close, and we're all growing older and hopefully, more mature... As the freshman year is coming to a close, I leave with few regrets. Let life come, and with it, strife, happiness, and crap.
Excited and happy that SCHOOLS OVER! And summer plans! Hoorah!
Melancholy that, we only have three more years of high school. Just three more years of fun =/
In my freshman year, stuff has happened. I've got shot down (not literally of course), friends have done stuff,( and whether I approve or disapprove of it, they ARE my friends and I feel obligated to support them in their time of need), dad's gotten an aneurysm, grades have dropped, the usual high school drama...
Other friends seem more distant, I rarely talk to some of 'em now =/ I'm moving to my grandma's house, and maybe to a new high school.
Man, I am seriously peeved by that ^ Ive been in 5 different schools the past 5 yrs: Meridian, Shawnee, Home schooled, Berryessa, Piedmont, and now maybe Independence. Besides the first 2 years, I havent had the time to strengthen the bonds of friendship =x
Which reminds me: Why are people so dang nice to me? It makes me feel bad whenever I get sick, and the fact that I didn't do anythign to deserve any of it.
I've also noticed a couple things: teenagers seem depressed. I don't know why! =o I think either Raymond or Jeffrey said it to me: I don't think what people go through is a big deal, because Im kinda used it. And I think I DO think that way, for better or worse. (I consider myself an optimistic cynist =p)
Ahh, chemo done in 6 mnths, finals coming to a close, and we're all growing older and hopefully, more mature... As the freshman year is coming to a close, I leave with few regrets. Let life come, and with it, strife, happiness, and crap.
Wednesday, April 15, 2009
One month later..
OK I have missed basically the whole month of March of school...
Stuff that's happened:
2 weeks of fevers, then three days reprieve, one of which my AWESOME piedmont friends threw me a party =D (I call it a party and not a B-day party b/c it was 24 days later) and then on Caesar Chavez my [)A/\/\N fever came back. So I go to Valley Medical Center and the nurses don't know how to access my portacath OR draw blood. -.- (I have a bruise where he attempted..) And then later I was transferred to Stanford IN AN AMBULANCE! =D Yeah, it was awesome. =] And then another 2 days later I found out I had chickenpox,, so there I stayed at Lucille Packard Children's Hospital for a week and a half, in an isolation ward. yeah, it was boring. And now I'm at home, when its Spring Break, and no school... and i have chemo again this friday, so I probably can't go to school for another week =_=
*sigh* My GPA is like 2.5, I have an F in Alg 2, and I'm wayyy behind on homework...
How can I get to UC, let alone my dream schools (Stanford/Princeton) with this...?
I know its beyond my control, but its just SO frustrating... And the fact that my cance can come BACK, is depressing too... The doctor said 85% survival rate, so thats a 15% chance that my cancer will recurr. And it was a 15% chance that I would get appendicitis, and i got THAT... -.-
Ive realized that Ive only got 3 things going for me: Friends, family, and the fact that I live in the US. Everything good in my life has been attributed to one of those things. =x
Ive also realized why I laugh so much: laughter is great, because it makes you forget about your troubles, and gives you bliss for those few minutes you're laughing; everything else is pushed out of your mind.
Everything is out of my control, so I'll just go with the flow, I guess. Can't change the past, can't control the future. Just have the decisions of the present.
Stuff that's happened:
2 weeks of fevers, then three days reprieve, one of which my AWESOME piedmont friends threw me a party =D (I call it a party and not a B-day party b/c it was 24 days later) and then on Caesar Chavez my [)A/\/\N fever came back. So I go to Valley Medical Center and the nurses don't know how to access my portacath OR draw blood. -.- (I have a bruise where he attempted..) And then later I was transferred to Stanford IN AN AMBULANCE! =D Yeah, it was awesome. =] And then another 2 days later I found out I had chickenpox,, so there I stayed at Lucille Packard Children's Hospital for a week and a half, in an isolation ward. yeah, it was boring. And now I'm at home, when its Spring Break, and no school... and i have chemo again this friday, so I probably can't go to school for another week =_=
*sigh* My GPA is like 2.5, I have an F in Alg 2, and I'm wayyy behind on homework...
How can I get to UC, let alone my dream schools (Stanford/Princeton) with this...?
I know its beyond my control, but its just SO frustrating... And the fact that my cance can come BACK, is depressing too... The doctor said 85% survival rate, so thats a 15% chance that my cancer will recurr. And it was a 15% chance that I would get appendicitis, and i got THAT... -.-
Ive realized that Ive only got 3 things going for me: Friends, family, and the fact that I live in the US. Everything good in my life has been attributed to one of those things. =x
Ive also realized why I laugh so much: laughter is great, because it makes you forget about your troubles, and gives you bliss for those few minutes you're laughing; everything else is pushed out of your mind.
Everything is out of my control, so I'll just go with the flow, I guess. Can't change the past, can't control the future. Just have the decisions of the present.
Tuesday, March 10, 2009
A Quagmire of Epic Proportions!
Cool title, eh? I just wrote it to get you to read this =p Anyways, sounding off on wahat's happened so far in the past week:
Volunteering at Alum Rock YSI =D (It's awesommeeee there! Hawks, turtles, snakes, and what-not! =p and i get to learn to take care of them =]
My birthday came and passed; I am now 15! OK well nobody really cares but I like shouting useless things to the deaf world..
My dad's still in rehabilitation; he is making sense, remembers everything, BUT he acts like a man at a bar overloaded with whiskey. Basically he makes no sense and is confused about where he is at the moment... yep..
Other mundane things in my life: Grades sliding yet some more =x , doing Romeo & Juliet in english (huzzah, yea lily-livered knack-eyed whoreson!), and trying to improve the Wheel of DOOM~~!
In stuff that actually matters: Obama lifted the ban on federal funding for embryonic stem cell research, included $50 billion for relief for home-buyers, legalised medical-marijuana clubs, and basically undid much of the conservative policies Bush enacted in his terms.
Meanwhile, GM and Chrysler ARE in a quagmire of EPIC proportions, burnin' through cash, and probably to receive another bailout by the taxpayers... =.= ('Twas your fault to begin with, GM...) Oh and more troops sent to Afghanistan.
Speaking on religion (I am speaking frankly and do not intend to speak ill of anyone; constructive criticism is welcomed] :It is out-dated. Based on books thousands of years old, written by people who were ignorant of the world and its laws of nature. Of course, people need religion. It sustains a healthy mentality, and is a good framework for morals. It joins together a community, and helps others. On a note, therefore: Does prayer help? People prayed for me in church last Sunday, and i felt, awkward. Grateful that people cared, but awkward...
One more thing, depression, which we were discussing in English. Why and how do we become depressed? When are we at, or past the stage of suicide? What is the cure for it?
Here's my thoughts: 1 Life sucks. Get over it. 2 Look on the bright side, there's always someone worse off than you.
Of course, I'm sure you have different opinions, thoughts, and feelings about all this, but I'm just doing this to make you think ;D
Volunteering at Alum Rock YSI =D (It's awesommeeee there! Hawks, turtles, snakes, and what-not! =p and i get to learn to take care of them =]
My birthday came and passed; I am now 15! OK well nobody really cares but I like shouting useless things to the deaf world..
My dad's still in rehabilitation; he is making sense, remembers everything, BUT he acts like a man at a bar overloaded with whiskey. Basically he makes no sense and is confused about where he is at the moment... yep..
Other mundane things in my life: Grades sliding yet some more =x , doing Romeo & Juliet in english (huzzah, yea lily-livered knack-eyed whoreson!), and trying to improve the Wheel of DOOM~~!
In stuff that actually matters: Obama lifted the ban on federal funding for embryonic stem cell research, included $50 billion for relief for home-buyers, legalised medical-marijuana clubs, and basically undid much of the conservative policies Bush enacted in his terms.
Meanwhile, GM and Chrysler ARE in a quagmire of EPIC proportions, burnin' through cash, and probably to receive another bailout by the taxpayers... =.= ('Twas your fault to begin with, GM...) Oh and more troops sent to Afghanistan.
Speaking on religion (I am speaking frankly and do not intend to speak ill of anyone; constructive criticism is welcomed] :It is out-dated. Based on books thousands of years old, written by people who were ignorant of the world and its laws of nature. Of course, people need religion. It sustains a healthy mentality, and is a good framework for morals. It joins together a community, and helps others. On a note, therefore: Does prayer help? People prayed for me in church last Sunday, and i felt, awkward. Grateful that people cared, but awkward...
One more thing, depression, which we were discussing in English. Why and how do we become depressed? When are we at, or past the stage of suicide? What is the cure for it?
Here's my thoughts: 1 Life sucks. Get over it. 2 Look on the bright side, there's always someone worse off than you.
Of course, I'm sure you have different opinions, thoughts, and feelings about all this, but I'm just doing this to make you think ;D
Wednesday, February 25, 2009
The Past Week of Events, Emotions, and Sayings
So here was the last week in a nutshell:
Feb 14-15, 2009: Huzzah for Darren's house! The saviour of boredom!
Feb 16, 2009: Cousin's house! (I kinda think I'm a free-loader now... =S)
Feb 17, 2009: Visited Dad at new place. (More into that later)
Feb 18, 2009: Bowling with old Challenger Shawnee friends!! w00t!
Feb 19, 2009: Hospital; Vencristin and lumbar puncture, eww..
Feb 20, 2009: Happy day! Golfland, movie with Challenger friends~~yayy~~
Feb 21-25, 2009: Steroids x2 daily.. -.-"
Hmm so thats what I was up to the past week; I'm glad I have friends, both old and new =]
Must be dreadful to have none, or to be isolated inside your house, no contact with other fellow humans... *shudder* Which is what I've been doing basically the past 3 days... EEEyaahahahghghgh I gotta go to school tomorrow... *speaking of which I have 2 tests to look forward too =x*
And yes, you've read correctly; my dad got transferred to Santa Clara Rehabilitation Centre (I think) He now has no huge bandage... over his giant stitch.. on his head.. =/
(Yeahup its still painful to see him, but less)
So winter break was a blast =]
But looking at all my friends, on sports teams, having girlfriends/boyfriends, dating, knowing what they want to do with their lives (for the time being), it makes me, feel jealous.
I feel like I haven't been doing ANYTHING the past years, 'cept school. No accomplishments, achievements, nothing. I've been in the same mentality since the 6th grade. (OK im less bitchy now but still) We still have laughs, hang out, and have fun, but life is going on. We're all gonna separate sooner or later; the road of life travels in often unpredictable ways.
Dreams lead to hope, to wishes, to aspirations, to ambition, to succeed.
To dream is to attempt success...
PS Thank you for reading my mundane and rambling thoughts, whether you care or not :D
PPS Huzzah, Lucky #7 followers :]
PPPS How come no one says "Da-- yyuuumm! You lookin' fine!" anymore? Its so succinct =]
PPPPS Writing Post-scripts and Post-post-scripts is fun =D
PPPPPS I dunno, I just can't take things seriously sometimes =/
And Im not sure if that's good or bad...
Feb 14-15, 2009: Huzzah for Darren's house! The saviour of boredom!
Feb 16, 2009: Cousin's house! (I kinda think I'm a free-loader now... =S)
Feb 17, 2009: Visited Dad at new place. (More into that later)
Feb 18, 2009: Bowling with old Challenger Shawnee friends!! w00t!
Feb 19, 2009: Hospital; Vencristin and lumbar puncture, eww..
Feb 20, 2009: Happy day! Golfland, movie with Challenger friends~~yayy~~
Feb 21-25, 2009: Steroids x2 daily.. -.-"
Hmm so thats what I was up to the past week; I'm glad I have friends, both old and new =]
Must be dreadful to have none, or to be isolated inside your house, no contact with other fellow humans... *shudder* Which is what I've been doing basically the past 3 days... EEEyaahahahghghgh I gotta go to school tomorrow... *speaking of which I have 2 tests to look forward too =x*
And yes, you've read correctly; my dad got transferred to Santa Clara Rehabilitation Centre (I think) He now has no huge bandage... over his giant stitch.. on his head.. =/
(Yeahup its still painful to see him, but less)
So winter break was a blast =]
But looking at all my friends, on sports teams, having girlfriends/boyfriends, dating, knowing what they want to do with their lives (for the time being), it makes me, feel jealous.
I feel like I haven't been doing ANYTHING the past years, 'cept school. No accomplishments, achievements, nothing. I've been in the same mentality since the 6th grade. (OK im less bitchy now but still) We still have laughs, hang out, and have fun, but life is going on. We're all gonna separate sooner or later; the road of life travels in often unpredictable ways.
Dreams lead to hope, to wishes, to aspirations, to ambition, to succeed.
To dream is to attempt success...
PS Thank you for reading my mundane and rambling thoughts, whether you care or not :D
PPS Huzzah, Lucky #7 followers :]
PPPS How come no one says "Da-- yyuuumm! You lookin' fine!" anymore? Its so succinct =]
PPPPS Writing Post-scripts and Post-post-scripts is fun =D
PPPPPS I dunno, I just can't take things seriously sometimes =/
And Im not sure if that's good or bad...
Wednesday, February 18, 2009
The sun will come out, tomorrow! Bet your bottom dollar that tomorrow, there'll be sun...
*Sigh* Parents.... (I'm betting everyone over the age of 10 has had this sigh)
My dad's in the hospital.... I was there for 3 hours last night; and I was kind of disgruntled afterwards. I mean, it's painful to look at your dad in a state where he's mentally ill. It just hurts...
So I was there to start a conversation to make him to talk and use his brain. Oh did I mention he gets really annoyed or angry and doesn't take his medicine or pulls one of the tubes out...
And my mom is still stressed out... Only her habit if "Answer me whenever I talk to you!!!! If you don't its SOOOOOO rude!!!" has come back, tougher and meaner..
so yeahup that's it so far
oh right well on a brighter note, break; well I went to Darren's house on Saturday and Sunday; it was fun =]
Monday I went to cousins' house and today I shall attend bowling with my Challenger compadres =P. Thursday hospital and Friday Oakridge with same people. w00t!. Yay, so this break IS fun :)
in the bigger picture, the economy is still tanking, Obama failed to live up to expectations and did not take out "Buy American" in the stimulus package, or remove much of the pork, however science research and a $50 billion tax break were taken OUT -.-
Markets falling, R & D budgets slashed, workforce sheds jobs, not good..
Our political parties are kind of suckish... =x
My dad's in the hospital.... I was there for 3 hours last night; and I was kind of disgruntled afterwards. I mean, it's painful to look at your dad in a state where he's mentally ill. It just hurts...
So I was there to start a conversation to make him to talk and use his brain. Oh did I mention he gets really annoyed or angry and doesn't take his medicine or pulls one of the tubes out...
And my mom is still stressed out... Only her habit if "Answer me whenever I talk to you!!!! If you don't its SOOOOOO rude!!!" has come back, tougher and meaner..
so yeahup that's it so far
oh right well on a brighter note, break; well I went to Darren's house on Saturday and Sunday; it was fun =]
Monday I went to cousins' house and today I shall attend bowling with my Challenger compadres =P. Thursday hospital and Friday Oakridge with same people. w00t!. Yay, so this break IS fun :)
in the bigger picture, the economy is still tanking, Obama failed to live up to expectations and did not take out "Buy American" in the stimulus package, or remove much of the pork, however science research and a $50 billion tax break were taken OUT -.-
Markets falling, R & D budgets slashed, workforce sheds jobs, not good..
Our political parties are kind of suckish... =x
Wednesday, February 4, 2009
EAGP
Wow I kinda want to delete my last post; although I really did feel like ERUGHGHGHGHGHGH, crying doesn't help or solve anything. Its just wasting your energies when you could be doing something more constructive...
Sometimes, when I smile at the world, inside the emotions are just trying to eat me up... You know what I mean? Like I'll say something, and mean something else... Which leads to another thing: appearances.
Everyone seems to want to groom theirs to match it the way they want to, but that just ain't so, I'm afraid. Its kinda weird how in high school so many people obsess about this and try to match their attitudes like that. All the time people are in little groups, because they're too comfortable in their own little world, expressing just one side to themselves. But no one's one-dimensional. You need to expose that multi-faceted personality. If you could, look at all the new people you could meet and talk to =] (and gain some good friends along the way)
For example, me: To one, I am a snitch, others a good friend, another a creepy stalker, and many a 10 year old nerd... (about 2 people know all the people who know me as these things =D) As I've said earlier, everyone's perspective of things changes with each different person, so you can never be that ideal person to everyone; sorry to burst your bubble =p.
On a side note, high school only lasts for so long, then its the time when YOU must account for YOUR actions. And we should treasure our childhoods, while we can do anything, as long as its not illegal =D until when you grow older and have to WORK =o (well actually I dont see anything bad about that, so I have nothing else to say on this subject..)
One last thing, if you could take someone's pain away, only for you to feel it, would you?
PS My dad's sort of getting better; sort of in the fact that he can talk and remember some stuff, but that he'll go blank and talk about random stuff next, plus he has an infection...
Sometimes, when I smile at the world, inside the emotions are just trying to eat me up... You know what I mean? Like I'll say something, and mean something else... Which leads to another thing: appearances.
Everyone seems to want to groom theirs to match it the way they want to, but that just ain't so, I'm afraid. Its kinda weird how in high school so many people obsess about this and try to match their attitudes like that. All the time people are in little groups, because they're too comfortable in their own little world, expressing just one side to themselves. But no one's one-dimensional. You need to expose that multi-faceted personality. If you could, look at all the new people you could meet and talk to =] (and gain some good friends along the way)
For example, me: To one, I am a snitch, others a good friend, another a creepy stalker, and many a 10 year old nerd... (about 2 people know all the people who know me as these things =D) As I've said earlier, everyone's perspective of things changes with each different person, so you can never be that ideal person to everyone; sorry to burst your bubble =p.
On a side note, high school only lasts for so long, then its the time when YOU must account for YOUR actions. And we should treasure our childhoods, while we can do anything, as long as its not illegal =D until when you grow older and have to WORK =o (well actually I dont see anything bad about that, so I have nothing else to say on this subject..)
One last thing, if you could take someone's pain away, only for you to feel it, would you?
PS My dad's sort of getting better; sort of in the fact that he can talk and remember some stuff, but that he'll go blank and talk about random stuff next, plus he has an infection...
Tuesday, January 27, 2009
Close to tears, yet not crying...
Well, my mom got a call earlier tonight from the police; my dad's in the hospital...
He had an aneurysm, (something like a stroke) and the doctors are going to perform brain surgery tonight. . .
My mom's with him, so yeah. I dont know what to do or say right now...
It's odd; like son like father: I go to O'Connor hospital and am later transferred to Stanford; now my dad's the same way...
. . .I wish I had someone to talk to. . . My life's a mess, and sue and blasphemize me for calling me a hypocrite too. Yeah, when someone dies, the world goes on. Life goes on. But not that little world which they were a part of . Not that part of their loved ones, when they, suffer. Not all is unchanged. That little piece of the world that someone belongs to, when they die, that world becomes that more unbearable...
I feel like crying, yet not a drop is coming out. Maybe its because I cried when I first got leukemia, or when my dog died later. I'm drained of sorrow now; grampa died when I was 5, cancer at 12, and now dad might be going where my grandpa is, all this by age 14.
Forgive my gloom; I shouldn't really be saying this aloud, don't want to burden anyone. Shoulder this on my own, become stronger by it. And when it's all done, then I can shed a tear. Then I can look back at this and laugh. Or drown in my misery.. .. .. Augh I'm just blabbering, just so confused and wondering: What did I do to deserve any of this...?
Yeah, ok.
I'm crying now...
He had an aneurysm, (something like a stroke) and the doctors are going to perform brain surgery tonight. . .
My mom's with him, so yeah. I dont know what to do or say right now...
It's odd; like son like father: I go to O'Connor hospital and am later transferred to Stanford; now my dad's the same way...
. . .I wish I had someone to talk to. . . My life's a mess, and sue and blasphemize me for calling me a hypocrite too. Yeah, when someone dies, the world goes on. Life goes on. But not that little world which they were a part of . Not that part of their loved ones, when they, suffer. Not all is unchanged. That little piece of the world that someone belongs to, when they die, that world becomes that more unbearable...
I feel like crying, yet not a drop is coming out. Maybe its because I cried when I first got leukemia, or when my dog died later. I'm drained of sorrow now; grampa died when I was 5, cancer at 12, and now dad might be going where my grandpa is, all this by age 14.
Forgive my gloom; I shouldn't really be saying this aloud, don't want to burden anyone. Shoulder this on my own, become stronger by it. And when it's all done, then I can shed a tear. Then I can look back at this and laugh. Or drown in my misery.. .. .. Augh I'm just blabbering, just so confused and wondering: What did I do to deserve any of this...?
Yeah, ok.
I'm crying now...
Sunday, January 25, 2009
Vague and Confusing and Everyday Stuffs
Have you ever heard of the expression "bitter seeds within a sweet apple"? Well, it's an expression now alright?
Its funny how some people treat people awesome, and you see them as cool and genuine people, but when they turn to YOU they treat you like trash, and look at you like a piece of fungi. (I'm not making much sense, am I?)
Well anywayyyys, let's just say that Person A treats Person B like his/her best friend, and then Person A meets Person C and is like "Who the **** are you?!"
I kinda think everyone is like that; they have a good side, and a bad side. (Hopefully the good side overpowers that bad part.) The good side shines towards friends and (most of the time) family, and bad side towards people, who, you just don't get along with.
(Yes, folks, even I have a bad side =o)
OK now that that's outta the way I'm gonna start bantering off things that piss me off:
Sarah Palin = Do not let me BEGIN with that woman...
Tim Geithner = Didn't see this whole subprime mortgage crisis coming AT ALL, and now he's Treasury Secretary... -.- (Plus with his tax-evasion stuff even though he made millions, and then shooting his mouth off of how China is manipulating its currency AT THE TIME WHEN WE NEED CHINA'S FINANCING THE MOST!!)
Way to go, American politicians... -.-"
OK well Ryan asked me today, how I can be cheery and happy and whatnot altho' I have leukemia, am short, annoying, and lack any physical prowess whatsoever. It's simple, really. Once you get into a life-threatening situation, you treasure life more. =]
*DISCLAIMER: DO NOT ATTEMPT TO GET INTO A LIFE-THREATENING SITUATION!!*
Oh that's also why emo people piss me off soooo much... They whine and complain about how their life sucks and they just wanna end it. LOOK, EMO PPLZ: GET OVER YOURSELFS!!
When you die, the person you hurt least is yourself...
Onto more mundance and everyday stuff:
My dear mother hired a tutor for Algebra 2... whoop-dee-doo... And I am supposed to go today or tomorrow...
Oh yeah I've been sick since last Tuesday and then last Friday I also got Chemotherapy at LPCH. (Vincristine, to be exact; and Prednisone from Friday thru tomorrow)
So that's about it...
PS From now on, I shall blog whenever I feel like it. It seems like I do that now, but I've tried to post every coupla days but, 1 I've gotten lazy and 2, I run out of things to say. So with that, I shall post whenever stuff comes up. And with that, I bid Adieu!
PPS (Boy my post-script sure is repetitive...)
Its funny how some people treat people awesome, and you see them as cool and genuine people, but when they turn to YOU they treat you like trash, and look at you like a piece of fungi. (I'm not making much sense, am I?)
Well anywayyyys, let's just say that Person A treats Person B like his/her best friend, and then Person A meets Person C and is like "Who the **** are you?!"
I kinda think everyone is like that; they have a good side, and a bad side. (Hopefully the good side overpowers that bad part.) The good side shines towards friends and (most of the time) family, and bad side towards people, who, you just don't get along with.
(Yes, folks, even I have a bad side =o)
OK now that that's outta the way I'm gonna start bantering off things that piss me off:
Sarah Palin = Do not let me BEGIN with that woman...
Tim Geithner = Didn't see this whole subprime mortgage crisis coming AT ALL, and now he's Treasury Secretary... -.- (Plus with his tax-evasion stuff even though he made millions, and then shooting his mouth off of how China is manipulating its currency AT THE TIME WHEN WE NEED CHINA'S FINANCING THE MOST!!)
Way to go, American politicians... -.-"
OK well Ryan asked me today, how I can be cheery and happy and whatnot altho' I have leukemia, am short, annoying, and lack any physical prowess whatsoever. It's simple, really. Once you get into a life-threatening situation, you treasure life more. =]
*DISCLAIMER: DO NOT ATTEMPT TO GET INTO A LIFE-THREATENING SITUATION!!*
Oh that's also why emo people piss me off soooo much... They whine and complain about how their life sucks and they just wanna end it. LOOK, EMO PPLZ: GET OVER YOURSELFS!!
When you die, the person you hurt least is yourself...
Onto more mundance and everyday stuff:
My dear mother hired a tutor for Algebra 2... whoop-dee-doo... And I am supposed to go today or tomorrow...
Oh yeah I've been sick since last Tuesday and then last Friday I also got Chemotherapy at LPCH. (Vincristine, to be exact; and Prednisone from Friday thru tomorrow)
So that's about it...
PS From now on, I shall blog whenever I feel like it. It seems like I do that now, but I've tried to post every coupla days but, 1 I've gotten lazy and 2, I run out of things to say. So with that, I shall post whenever stuff comes up. And with that, I bid Adieu!
PPS (Boy my post-script sure is repetitive...)
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